27 Lessons I’ve Learned Before Turning 27

March 20, 2021March 27, 2021 Tori Lopez

There are so many lessons I’ve learned during my 27 years on this planet. It was hard to narrow it down to only 27 things. I thought to myself, “What advice would I give to someone younger than me?” I ended up writing way more than I initially thought I would but I’m finally happy with the result.

1. IF IT MATTERS TO YOU, SPEAK UP ABOUT IT.

I hate confrontation as much as the next person, but I have never regretted advocating for myself or a cause I believe in. I have only ever felt disappointed in myself when I’ve let things slide or made excuses for people who didn’t deserve it. For a long time, I thought it was impolite to speak up, but then I realized that all the people I have ever looked up to had strong convictions. They were passionate and shared openly about their beliefs. They were true to who they were and did not compromise on their values. I’m still figuring this out, but it’s something I try to practice every day.

2. YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO ENJOY "CHILDISH" THINGS.

Everyone has an inner child that deserves to be nurtured. What would you have jumped at the opportunity to experience when you were 8 years old? If it makes you happy, do it! Buy stickers. Build with Legos. Go mini-golfing! My apartment is littered with stuffed animals. They’re cute, cozy, and make me happy which is exactly what I want when I’ve been busy adulting all day long. It’s the small things like getting messy with paints or building a fort that leads to a balanced life.

3. YOU CAN'T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP.

This one was a bit of a toughie for me to learn. I’ve always wanted people to feel comfortable coming to me for advice and support. I wanted people to feel confident that they could count on me. For a while, I thought this meant putting others’ needs before my own. I always considered myself to be someone who could take on a lot and I often justified taking on more if it meant helping someone else. My desire to help people and positively impact their lives is truly a life calling, but to maintain that level of emotional and mental energy requires significant self-care. At first, self-care felt very…self-absorbed. Then I realized that if I wanted to dedicate myself to helping others, I needed to be able to help myself first.

4. ASK FOR HELP SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.

THERE IS NO REASON TO SUFFER IN SILENCE! Most people are good. Most people are more than willing to help if you ask, but you have to ask. You are NOT a burden. You will NOT come off stupid or incapable. If anyone gives you shit for asking for help, then you tell them that you will not let something as silly as ego get in the way of your personal growth. We are social creatures that have been relying on the skills and wisdom of others since forever because that is what is most beneficial to the whole. So if you are ever hesitant about reaching out for help, know that no one has done this whole life thing on their own and we were never meant to.

5. LEARN TO SAY NO WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY.

I know it can feel uncomfortable setting boundaries at first, but I promise it’s worth it. Setting healthy boundaries allows us to feel seen and understood. You can spend more time and energy on yourself and relationships that are truly rewarding. Saying “no” means you’re protecting your time and setting realistic expectations. Boundaries are an act of self-love!

6. DO THINGS THAT TAKE YOU OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.

I cannot tell you how many things I’ve missed out on because I was too insecure to try. I was always afraid that I was too heavy, too uncoordinated, or too inexperienced. But let me tell you, growth happens outside of your comfort zone. I started adopting Nike’s slogan as a personal motto. If I was nervous about trying something new, I’d tell myself, “Just do it,” even if my hands trembled the whole time. Then, it’s over. I’d realize that it was never so bad as my own mind made it out to be. And more often than not, those experiences were more enjoyable because I overcame something in myself that was trying to hold me back.

Now? I’ve been pole dancing…me. All 180 pounds of me. If you told 18-year-old me that I willingly paid for a pole dancing class, I would have laughed in your face. But even though I left that studio sore and bruised, I loved every minute of it.

7. IF YOU'RE FREAKING OUT, TAKE A SHOWER.

I don’t know, maybe it’s because my mom used to always tell us kids to take a shower like it was a cure-all, but honestly, they really help. It physically feels good. The heat or cold can help with headaches, stomach pain, and sometimes, even heartache. It’s also a great way to imagine any anxieties or negative thoughts disappearing down the drain. Plus, everything smells good and you come out all shiny and clean.

8. IT'S OKAY TO START ALL OVER.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

9. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE.

I first heard this saying when I was a junior in high school attending a weekend retreat in the mountains. Students from all backgrounds came together to learn about respect, diversity, and inclusivity. I didn’t know much about the program going into it other than crying was inevitable. We spent the long weekend learning about the negative effects of prejudice and discrimination through skits, workshops, and open discussion. It was the first time I was exposed to so many traumatic stories. People who were my best friends to teachers to strangers were opening up about their pain.

It became so clear to me that people who do horrible, terrible things were often victims themselves. Victims to abusive parents or partners. Victims to a system that continuously tells them they are less than. So many of these people were just kids. They were doing the best they could with the tools they had. I’m not saying this excuses the pain someone might cause, but it does help explain it. I find comfort in this. People are rarely evil for evil’s sake. If I can show someone the kindness they may have never received, then I feel like I’m doing my part to make the world a better place.

10. SOMEONE ELSE'S TALENTS DON'T INVALIDATE YOUR OWN.

If you compare yourself to the smartest person in the world, I can guarantee you that there’s something you are better at than them. Don’t let yourself be intimidated by someone else’s success. Learn from that person. Get to know people from all walks of life. Surround yourself with people who are smarter or more talented than you.

11. DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING - SERIOUSLY.

This does not come from someone who’s been in love with dancing their whole life. In fact, I actively avoided dancing until I was about 23 years old. I didn’t grow up in a “let’s go out and dance tonight” environment. Not only did I not know how, but I was also about 250 pounds at my heaviest so trust me, I understand the insecurities associated with dancing in front of people. I was so afraid that everyone would stare and laugh at the fat girl trying to dance.

Then I went to EDC (Electric Daisy Carnival) Las Vegas and my life changed. People there didn’t care what I looked like while dancing. As long as I was vibing with the music and moving my body in a way that felt right to me, then I was accepted. I learned so many lessons that wonderful weekend. As long as I was being my authentic self, I looked good! I couldn’t imagine my life without dancing now.

12. MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD CHANGED DRASTICALLY WHEN I REALIZED I DON'T HAVE TO DEPRIVE MYSELF.

I used to always say, “I’d rather be fat and happy than skinny and sad.” UGH! My relationship with food was so messed up, I truly thought skinny people were in such a constant state of unhappiness with their appearance that they deprived themselves of delicious food. I know this is because I drew so much of my own happiness from food that I couldn’t imagine going without cheeseburgers or ice cream. It really wasn’t until I started finding happiness in wonderful, beautiful things like hiking in nature, dancing in a crowd of strangers, or even playing with makeup that I realized I was using food to get a quick fix. I decided that I wanted to eat healthier because there was so much more to life that I wanted to experience. I didn’t need to say no to ice cream forever, just not as much or as often.

13. YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM IS EVERYTHING.

I once had a friend tell me that after we chat, they always feel like everything is going to be okay. They asked me, “How do you do that? Make it feel like everything is going to be okay?” It’s because I know everything will be okay. Even on the worst, most terrible day, I know I have my family and friends who have my back no matter what. If everything fell apart, I know I wouldn’t have to pick up the pieces by myself. It’s because of my support system, I feel confident tackling new and uncertain things.

14. THERE'S ALWAYS A REASON TO TRAVEL.

I used to claim that I didn’t care for traveling. Honestly, I just didn’t know any better. At that point, I thought traveling meant driving for 6+ hours to some other overpopulated city to eat the same food I could find in my overpopulated city. It wasn’t until I was in college that I started to do some real traveling. My first flight was to New York City with my undergraduate research lab. My friends and I took a 21-hour road trip from San Diego to Seattle for spring break. We went to San Diego Comic-Con, took a spontaneous trip to Durango, Colorado, and enjoyed all the beauty northern Arizona has to offer.

I realized that traveling could be whatever you wanted it to be. The people you travel with, the looks on their faces when they see something new and beautiful, PRICELESS. Once COVID-19 hit, I regretted not traveling more when I had the chance. I was a bit bummed that I was spending my 26th and 27th birthday inside because of this damn virus. Now, I won’t let anything get in the way of me seeing the world.

15. COLLEGE ISN'T FOR EVERYONE AND THAT'S OKAY.

I was a teaching assistant for first-year students when I was pursuing my master’s degree. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve seen 18-year-olds truly suffering through college because it wasn’t right for them. They were going because it’s what their parents wanted or what society expected. You don’t need to get into THOUSANDS of dollars in debt to get a piece of paper to be successful in life. If you’re not sure college is for you, then take a gap year…or two…or three. Go to community college first and take one or two classes to test the waters. You do not need to make such a huge commitment for anyone else other than yourself.

16. BUILD A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY.

I’m no econ professor, but I’ve recently started getting a handle on my own personal finances and it feels so good. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve felt like investing or even saving wasn’t for me because I had student loan debt. Financial “gurus” like David Ramsey are way too aggressive for me. Their “live like your poor until your debt-free” approach just wasn’t right for me. I started listening to other sources that I felt more aligned with like: The Personal Finance Podcast, Investing with Rose, and HerFirst100k. The thing they all preach about personal finance is that it’s PERSONAL.

If $4 coffees bring you joy in life, then don’t let some old, white dude shame you into cutting it out. Build it into your budget. Cut back on things that don’t bring value. This kind of spending/budgeting is more intuitive and sustainable for me. It’s helped remove a lot of my guilt around spending and has allowed me to start saving/investing!

17. DO YOUR PART, HOWEVER SMALL, TO SAVE THE EARTH.

Climate change is the largest threat to humanity and we aren’t doing enough to make real changes, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Go the extra mile to “go green” but understand it’s going to take more than switching to reusable bags and water bottles to save the earth. I’m not saying don’t do those things, PLEASE do those things, but it’s also important to note that we need to see change on a wider scale. We need the government to step in and demand that companies do better. This leads to my next point…

18. VOTE.

Your voice matters. Your vote counts! Growing up, voting wasn’t a big deal in my household. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I cast my first vote until the 2016 presidential election. Politics in general just “wasn’t for me,” and I know this is the mentality of a lot of young folks. Frankly, I blame our education system. Even as a straight-A, honors student, the importance of voting was never emphasized. I didn’t know how to register or where to find candidates’ platforms or how to analyze them. I didn’t feel confident casting my vote because I didn’t feel knowledgeable enough. Any time I tried to read or listen to political news, I felt frustrated. To me, it was a bunch of biased drama.

Now I know I was just looking in all the wrong places. Voting doesn’t need to be that difficult (and we should fight to make it easier!). Politicians and companies aren’t going to make the right decision just because it’s the right thing to do. It is our civic duty to hold them responsible and to fight for what we believe in with our vote.

19. HAVE A GO/EMERGENCY PACK.

After living through the initial chaos of the pandemic and then a year later, living through the power/water failure due to the 2021 Texas winter storm, I know how important it is to have an emergency pack. Things to include: flashlights, lighter, batteries, blanket, battery bank, bottled water (1 gallon per person per day), multitool, non-perishable food, first aid kit, hand sanitizer/wipes, and cash. I’m sure there’s more but this is a good start!

20. WEAR SUNSCREEN!

I cannot believe I spent so many hours in the Arizona sun without sunscreen. My poor skin! I’ve been better at applying sunscreen when I leave the house, but recently, I’ve been told that it’s a good idea to wear sunscreen even when you’re inside. The sun rays aren’t as direct but they can still penetrate through your windows. Sunscreen on your face daily can help slow down signs of aging. Unseen Sunscreen by Supergoop! is my favorite facial sunscreen because it doesn’t have a strong smell or create a whitecast. It’s perfect under makeup! Plus, obviously, sunscreen reduces the chances of skin cancer so really, it’s a no-brainer.

21. GET OUT OF YOUR HOMETOWN.

Even if it’s only temporary. You don’t have to go far, but I do think it’s important for one’s growth to experience different cultures and ways of living. If you’re exposed to the same people, with the same perspectives, in the same setting your whole life, you might start thinking that’s just the way it is everywhere. You’ll start making decisions (casting your vote) under the assumption that what’s best for you and yours is what’s best for all. I think the best thing we can do as humans is to get to know one another and truly try to understand the influences and factors that shaped a person. I feel like this lesson is just adding to my previous point – there’s always a reason to travel but here we are anyway!

22. IF YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY THE "WHAT IF" GAME, MIGHT AS WELL PLAY IT IN THE POSITIVE.

Anxiety can have us spiraling down a rabbit hole of what if’s. “What if I’m imposing?” “What if I’m not good enough?” “What if I fail?” I made a rule for myself. For every negative “what if” I catch myself thinking, I’ll say a positive one. “What if my presence is needed?” “What if my skill set is exactly the right one for this job?” “What if I succeed?” Give yourself the permission to indulge in your biggest dreams and don’t let something as small as a “what if” keep you from pursuing them.

23. LEARN THINGS THAT CHALLENGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

I love/hate the internet. I think it’s amazing that we have such a wealth of knowledge right at our fingertips. You can talk to people from across the world and learn about different cultures without leaving your home. On the other hand…the information we regularly see on our social media is tailored to align with our interests and beliefs. We start to think that the people around us have the same beliefs because that’s all we’re exposed to. We start to become polarized. Then, when we see something that directly contradicts what we believe to be true and what happens next? Civil discourse? Maybe, but if you’ve spent any time on the internet you know a simple disagreement can quickly turn into an all-caps name-calling match.

I think because the internet offers anonymity and time to think of an insulting comeback, people don’t feel the need to be respectful. Even worse, if you don’t like the direction the discussion is going, you can just leave. It’s the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ear and saying “Lalala can’t hear you!” Even though it may be uncomfortable, I think it’s important to digest information that directly challenges your beliefs. If you can take a moment to truly empathize with the other side or ask how they would come to that conclusion, then maybe we would have a better chance of changing their mind. At the very least, we’re more informed!

24. GOOD ENOUGH GETS YOU TO WHERE YOU WANT TO GO. PERFECTION KEEPS YOU WHERE YOU ARE.

I work as an accountability coach for entrepreneurs. Truly high-performing people, building the life they want from the ground up. I encounter perfectionism on a daily basis and it is PARALYZING. The definition of perfect is going to vary day to day. It’s going to change based on whether you’ve had your cup of coffee that morning or not. Find an objective “good enough” completion point for whatever you’re working towards and go after that. Accept that nothing is ever final and you’ll have the opportunity to make it better once you have more objective feedback.

25. IT'S BETTER TO BE OVERDRESSED THAN UNDERDRESSED.

If you asked 13-year-old me, how I felt about clothes or fashion, I would have pointed to my closet of blue jeans and black shirts. I just didn’t care. Looking back, I obviously did care. I was just doing my best to not draw attention to myself. Being overweight, I didn’t feel like I had the option to shop for “cute” clothes. Even if I happened to find something nice in my size, I didn’t want to wear it because I didn’t want people making fun of the “fat girl” trying to be pretty.

I convinced myself that my looks didn’t matter as long as I had a winning personality and worked hard. While that’s partially true, the fact of the matter is that people make split-second decisions based on looks. Being brown and being curvy, I thought it would be best if I didn’t give anyone the option to judge me based on my looks by making myself invisible.

FUCK THAT! It took me a while to get here, but I’m proud of who I am. I would rather be overdressed and draw attention to myself than ever hide away in baggy, boring clothes ever again (unless it’s my pajamas. I’m all about comfort).

26. IT'S OKAY TO BE A SOFT CRYBABY.

If you know me, then you know. I have a lot of emotions and I’m not afraid to express them. Sometimes, that means I cry when I’m happy or angry, but that just means I’m passionate. I refuse to let the world turn me cold-hearted. It takes courage to be vulnerable – to choose kindness even when the world has been less kind to you.

27. AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH YOU THE LONGEST.

If you can go to bed and know deep down that you did your best that day, then you’re doing just fine. There are so many voices constantly telling us how we should look, what we should say, how we should think. It’s impossible to please them all. You’re always going to be a disappointment to someone. At some point, you gotta ask yourself, “Who/what am I willing to ignore?” Know your values, stay true to them, and cut yourself some slack.