Unemployed For 18 Months – This Is What I Learned
When you Google how long it takes a person to find employment after graduating, most sources report around six months. WELP. I was unemployed for 18 months before I found the job of my dreams. Those 18 months were an emotional roller coaster. I went from feeling excited about the future to not feeling good enough to freedom and purpose.Β
Even though I wasnβt employed or in college, there was a lot that I learned in those 18 months. I hope others who are currently going through what I went through, read this post, and find some comfort. YOU ARE ENOUGH! Good things are coming for you and youβre not alone.
To give you some background, in May 2019, I graduated with a Master of Science degree in Psychology. At this point, I had three degrees and $50,000 of student loan debt to my name. While I always knew I wanted to go to graduate school, I never thought my time there would be so short. I had this idea that I would continue after my Masterβs degree to pursue a Ph.D. I’d spend the rest of my life working as a professor, conducting research, and molding young minds.Β
It wasnβt until I was a year into my Masterβs degree that I realized I wanted out of academia. While I definitely had a passion for teaching and psychology (and still do!), my experience as a Masterβs student was less than ideal. I got tired of the bureaucracy of it all. My life goals and my academic goals just werenβt going to align the way that I wanted them to. I started to feel disenchanted with higher education and made the tough decision to not continue on after I graduated.
This meant I had spent the past 6 years of my life preparing for something that wasnβt going to happen. I dedicated myself to school and research because I was so sure I would continue for a Ph.D. degree. I had to pivot all my efforts in my last year to figure out what I was going to do once I graduated.Β
So I met with career services on campus as soon as I was sure of my decision. I was so grateful to have an amazing advisor that helped me so tremendously. She gave me tips on narrowing my job searches since I had such a wide range of interests. She helped me write strong cover letters and resumes. Even after I graduated, we would get together to prepare for upcoming interviews. I was applying at a steady rate and hearing back from jobs that really interested me. I was actually excited for a couple of months after graduation!
Then, I had my first in-person interview. It was so tragic! I had a solid phone interview with this non-profit organization. They seemed excited to meet with me in-person so we scheduled a follow-up interview. The day before, I got an email from my potential new boss asking if we could reschedule because she was sick. I was bummed but of course, I was willing to reschedule. Things happen and I wanted to be flexible.
Well, the day of my first big girl interview arrives, and I spend the whole morning getting ready. I practice what I might say for certain questions. Iβm nervous, but Iβm prepared. Then I get in the car and I realize that I have a missed call and a voice message. I listen to the voicemail and itβs from the person Iβm supposed to interview within less than an hour. She informs me that the requirements for the position have changed since we last spoke and that they were now looking for someone with a Ph.D.
I was devastated and angry. So naturally, I cried.
I returned her call and she was willing to still meet with me so I could at least have the experience of interviewing. I took her up on the offer even if my mentality behind it was, βWell, you wasted my time so now Iβm going to waste yours.β (I can be a bit of a brat.) It ended up being a really insightful interview and by the end of it, I felt less hurt about how it all went down.
See, the thing is, fiascos like that one arenβt uncommon when youβre actively searching for work. I dedicated a lot of my time in those 18 months searching for the right job and tailoring every resume and cover letter to be as standout and competitive as possible. I applied to everything from crisis hotlines to data management to psychometric testing to military research.
Once, I wasted a span of two months interviewing with this company. We had two solid phone interviews and they wanted to meet in-person. Because the work we would be doing would be highly experimental, they wanted me to prepare a presentation that I would then present to the other researchers. Definitely one of the highest demanding job process I went through, but I was excited by the challenge. I spent hours digging into the literature, researching best practices and methodologies.
But guess what? After two months of gathering letters of recommendation for them, preparing an in-depth proposal, and countless follow-ups, I never even got the interview.
When you go through endless experiences of being rejected or downright disrespected, you start to lose motivation, and more detrimentally, you start to lose faith in yourself. So much self-doubt starts to creep in. Did I just get into $50,000 of debt for nothing? Will I ever get hired? Am I qualified to do anything? Will I start to forget all Iβve been training for?
Itβs absolutely soul-crushing.
I want to take this time to say that I was extremely privileged to have been unemployed for such a long duration. Carson had a good job that allowed me to wait for a position that was right for me. That doesnβt mean that I didnβt go through phases of wanting to take any job I could get. There were several moments I was convinced I would be working at a coffee shop for the rest of my life.
Carson was really my rock during that time. He reminded me that I had a lot to offer and I didnβt need to settle for something that wasnβt going to be fulfilling. We would be okay if we needed to live on his income alone for a while. While I was still anxious about finding a job and at times guilty that I wasnβt contributing financially, I am so grateful for Carson for always reassuring me.
About a year into being unemployed, I decided to get a part-time job at a paint and wine studio. I love to paint as a hobby. I didnβt feel like I was taking the job out of desperation, but rather as a way to improve a skill and a way to socialize. Being unemployed can be so isolating and I was excited to get to befriend coworkers and interact with customers.Β
I started that job in February 2020. Even though it was only part-time and $10 an hour, I felt so much more fulfilled in life. I felt like I was contributing not only to my household but to the community.Β
As we all know, the COVID-19 pandemic shut the United States down in March 2020. Being a non-essential business, we closed down for a few months, and the entire staff was laid off so we could collect unemployment. As if looking for a job wasnβt hard enough, 2020 said, βLetβs toss a pandemic-sized-wrench into the mix.βΒ
I worried about job prospects during such an uncertain time. I worried that if I did get hired somewhere, I would have to put myself and Carson at risk by working in-person. Since I turned 26 in March and I was also no longer covered by my parentsβ insurance (the universe was testing me). I worried that the pandemic would take longer than what people expected and I would be out of work for…2 years? 3 years? More?Β
The universe had my back, though (as much as it was testing me). I found my current job as an Accountability Coach unexpectedly. I just came back from a camping trip and I was relaxing on my couch, scrolling through Reddit when I saw a gorgeous picture of a dog. Naturally, I clicked on the post because…dogs. The original poster mentioned how he had moved to a small town in the Himalayas and this dog had befriended him. It was a sweet story, but I was curious about what this guy did that allowed him to move to the Himalayas.Β
The original poster was kind enough to share his story. He was a software engineer who had worked in several remote positions in his life. He shared a list of websites and resources on working remotely which I clicked on right away. One thing you get good at while being unemployed for so long is always keeping an eye out for work wherever they may come from.Β
When I visitedΒ We Work Remotely, the job posting for Accountability Coach was one of the first ones that caught my eye. I read the job description and fell in love with the idea of doing this kind of work for a career. I already had plans to start my own life coaching business through this blog (down the line, but keep an eye out!).Β
As I was working on my application, I got a call from a company that I had applied to months ago. I actually forgot that I had applied to be a crisis hotline specialist since it had been so long. Even though I was super jazzed about the prospect of working as an Accountability Coach, I knew I had to take the interview with this other company. Experience told me that the interview process could take anywhere from weeks to months.Β
I finished up my application and sent a follow-up email. They got back to me almost immediately and we set up an interview the next day. I mention this because I want to illustrate to you how I was so ready to work at a crisis hotline for $12 an hour because I was desperate. But like I said, the universe had my back and showed me that I could have more if I wanted it.Β
Iβve been an Accountability Coach for a few months now, and they have treated me and their other employees with so much respect and care, itβs amazing. I feel appreciated, understood, and part of a community. On top of all that, I know that Iβm helping people every day through my work. Itβs extremely rewarding and I couldnβt be more grateful for the opportunity.Β
Now that you understand some of the ups and downs I went through during those 18 months of being unemployed. I want to share some of the most important things I learned. I grew so much during that time and I canβt stress enough how privileged I was to have a partner that was able to support me through this time. As difficult as it was, I was taken care of and given the chance to find a job that is right for me. I understand that not everyone has that privilege and my heart goes out to those who are under the immense pressure that is associated with being out of work. Whatever the case is, I hope these insights can help offer some comfort and hope.Β
7 THINGS I LEARNED WHILE UNEMPLOYED
Your worth is not determined by your salary.
I know that we live in a world that is so obsessed with money. While money canβt buy you happiness, it can buy you a sense of security. That security is vital to living a fulfilled life, but it doesn’t need to come from money. It can come from the love and support of family or friends.Β
If you take one thing away from this post, please know that you are not less worthy because of your employment status. You have so much to offer yourself, your loved ones, and the world thatβs priceless. Find the activities in your day to day that guarantee you feel loved and accomplished.
Make sure it's the right fit.
Being unemployed for such a long time can leave you feeling desperate. It can make you feel like you need to say, βYes!β to the first company that shows interest in you. As terrible as being unemployed can feel, accepting a position that isnβt right for you can feel even worse.Β
Interviews are a two-way street. The hiring manager is determining if youβre the right fit for the company and you should be deciding if the company is right for you. This means diving into the companyβs background and values and asking yourself if they align with yours. You should go into an interview prepared to ask questions. Get clarification on what your day-to-day responsibilities will look like. Ask about management style and how you will be evaluated. Sites like Glassdoor and Indeed allow former and current employees to leave reviews – make sure to check for any red flags!
It's not personal.
I know no matter how much I say this, it can be a hard feeling to shake. Rejection is not personal. You have the skills, the experience, and the passion that someone out there is looking for. Getting a, βWeβve decided to go with someone elseβ or hearing absolutely nothing at all, can hurt. It can feel like a direct attack on your being. But please understand that a βnoβ speaks more to the needs of the company rather than your worth and capabilities.Β
These companies are going through hundreds of applications for one position. Your application is often going through an automated system before it reaches a human. Sometimes that means your application gets rejected for silly reasons. As frustrating as that is, itβs not personal.Β
If someone else gets the job over you, itβs not personal! Itβs a huge bummer getting your hopes up after a great interview just to find out later they decided to go with someone else. It can feel like even your best wasnβt good enough. We have to understand that someone βoutshiningβ us does not invalidate the skills and experience we bring to the table.Β
If youβve ever been passed up for a job, here are a few things you can tell yourself to accept and move past the sting of rejection:
- βThe person they hired needed it more.β
- βI am grateful for the opportunity but I know thereβs something better out there for me.”
- βI do not want to work for someone who doesnβt want me.β
- βMy skills would not have been fully appreciated in that space.β
- βI learned something valuable during the interview process. I now have a better understanding of what I need to do as I continue on this journey.β
Develop or build on a skill.
When I really think about it, Iβve been a student for 20 years of my life. Graduating felt like losing a major part of my identity. I always loved school. I loved learning and I didnβt want that to stop just because I wasnβt sitting in a classroom. After that first (fake) interview right out of graduate school, I got some good feedback about what I could do to beef up my resume. Even though I spent all this money on my education, there were still a lot of areas I needed to develop if I wanted to be competitive in the workforce.Β
I started taking some free online classes through Coursera. After dabbling in free Python coding and data science classes, I decided that I would try to get my specialization in Data Visualization with Tableau. Because I wasnβt working, I was able to qualify for Courseraβs financial aid. This meant I could take the class for free. As long as I passed, I was able to qualify for the other classes in the specialization. I was developing a skill I could put on my resume and posting those certifications on LinkedIn. Keeping myself busy with learning really helped keep those insecurities of not doing enough at bay.
Volunteer or join a group.
One of the hardest things about being unemployed is fighting the feeling that youβre not contributing to anything. I know I really struggled with the transition from graduate student to being unemployed. I went from conducting research and teaching first-year students to sitting around the apartment applying to jobs that led nowhere.Β
Being unemployed can also be very lonely. My peer group was almost non-existent. All my friends and family had their own jobs that they were off working during the day. After months of being unemployed go by, you start to dread certain social situations because you know someone is going to ask you if youβve found a job yet. You have to say no for the hundredth time and somehow justify all your time wasted by telling stories of the places youβve applied to and who youβve interviewed with and what new method you’re trying.
This was a time when a lot of shame started to creep into my life. Because I was living with Carson and he was supporting me entirely on his salary, I feared being viewed as a lazy, gold-digger. Which I know is completely irrational, especially if you know me, but thatβs where I was. I love Carson for reminding me that I was contributing so much more than money could to our relationship as a couple, our relationships with our friends and family, and to our community.Β
When coronavirus hit, I understood that self-isolation would take a toll on a lot of people because I had been there. I searched online and found a volunteer opportunity as a Crisis Counselor for the Crisis Text Line. It was all from home and my hours were flexible. I started to feel like I was really making a difference and helping people again. It was a great way to start feeling part of a community again while also gaining experience in my field.Β
Find your passions and values!
If youβre anything like me, youβre a little bit of a busy body. Iβve spent most of my life fully immersed in school or work. Being the βhard-working, dedicated studentβ became a big part of my identity. I loved school and I loved keeping myself busy with heavy course loads and student organizations.
While Iβm forever grateful for my experiences in higher education, I learned very quickly after graduating that I didnβt have myself quite as figured out as I thought I did. With no real structure to my day, no deadlines, no external pressures telling me I didnβt have time because there were more pressing matters, I was able to explore areas of my life I never thought I could when I was a βstarvingβ college student.Β
I used to have such a deep love for writing in high school. I enjoyed creative writing on role-playing forums online and informative writing for the school newspaper. But writing for fun became more of a chore in college. When you have paper after paper to write for classes youβre indifferent about, you tend to want to do anything else but write with your spare time.
It was a few months into the job hunt that I decided that I would start a blog. I was sending out all these applications to companies big and small. It felt like I was begging for one of them to validate all my efforts those years I sacrificed in college. Then the thought of starting a blog just popped into my head. I wanted to share my story. I remember trying to start a blog in my sophomore year of college but always felt like I didnβt have the time or the knowledge to put out something worth reading.Β
This time was different though. Being unemployed meant there was nothing getting in the way of sharing my experiences the way I wanted to but me. It took a lot of time and self-reflection, but I finally got Cultivate Belonging to a place I was proud of and I know I learned so much along the way. It gave me a sense of purpose and lit a fire underneath me that allowed me to push through those times I got insecure about being unemployed. I can now wear the identity of a blogger and I love it!
Take a break - give yourself the weekends off.
If youβve been unemployed for any large chunk of time, you know the process of job hunting can be all-consuming. I felt like because I didnβt have a full-time job, that searching for work and applying to job postings was my full-time job. This sort of mentality can really mess you up.Β
Working a full-time job pays you. Itβs rewarding (hopefully). You get recognition for the work that you do. If youβve spent 40 hours a week applying to jobs and donβt get an interview, you have little to show for your work. It can be absolutely devastating.Β
I had to remind myself that it was absolutely necessary to take breaks from the job hunt. This next rule was actually something my best friend shared with me. Her boyfriend had been let go due to the pandemic and he spent almost every waking moment applying to jobs. One weekend, he had an interview that went poorly and it affected his mood negatively which made it difficult for him to show up in a meaningful way. She told him that weekends needed to be reserved for loved ones including himself. I love that! Your self-care matters. If that means taking a break from browsing job boards or updating your resume, then you deserve it!
As uncertain and frustrating as those 18 months of unemployment were, I canβt help but show immense gratitude for the process and the epiphanies it allowed me to make. That time forced me to love who I am to my core rather than my attachments to any one identity. Itβs challenging, but I hope you discover new parts of yourself. I hope you find the time to do the things you always wanted to do. The right job is waiting for you, I just know it!
Iβd love to read about your job hunting horror stories (misery loves company haha)! Have you had any truly terrible interviews? How did you handle the situation? What did you learn? On the flip side, tell me how you found your dream job! Any advice you would give to someone who is going through that unemployed slump?
I love reading your story. Thank you for sharing it with us. In many ways, you remind me of my daughter. She’s a junior in High School and is thinking about her future. She’s an artist, a writer, and has recently found an interest in Psychology. She is thinking about a Psychology degree in College. Right now, she’s considering going down the path to get her Ph.D. But she doesn’t love school, so I worry she’s going to get burnt out. My question to you is, looking back now, would you have done it differently? If so, what do you… Read more »
Aw, thank you for reading, Nushean! I have absolutely adored watching your daughter grow up. She has so much talent. I’m glad she’s getting the chance to explore all her interests. If she has any questions about college or majoring in psychology, please let her know she can pick my brain any time! To answer your question, there are of course things I would have done differently, but I definitely don’t regret getting my master’s degree in psych. I had a lot of amazing experiences in higher education that have really shaped me to be the person I am today.… Read more »